


Two Hurt

by Reyri34



Category: LUNA SEA, X JAPAN
Genre: Angst, M/M, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:48:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23527915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reyri34/pseuds/Reyri34
Summary: Sugizo try to convince J, the tragedy happened ten years ago was not his mistake.
Relationships: Heath (X JAPAN)/Sugizo (LUNA SEA), J/Sugizo (LUNA SEA)
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning : Worst grammar! xD This is my first time trying to write a fanfiction. 
> 
> Playlist : Deluhi - Two Hurt

Tapping his fingers, up and down on the table but he is not there, his mind were fly away to somewhere place back in his mind. He is checking his phone but not really checking. His fingers move up and down, slide the screen and sometimes tapping the screen. Well, he is not playing some mobile games but he feels bored. At that moment he sighing hard, losing his sense to do anything, eventhough he actually have meeting with Luna Sea about half an hour but still he managed to sit there, thinking of someone. He feels nervous to meet with him again. Will he forgive him?

"kimi ni I miss you  
tsutaetai hazuno kimochi ni uso wo tsuite.."

Sugizo heard someone behind him, singing a phrase of a sentence in which he feels interesting when the lyrics said missing of someone but had to lie to himself. He only saw a kid, listening to earphone with eyes closed and babling about the lyrics.

"konna ni chikaku ni iru hazu nanoni  
naze kokoro wa tooku hanareteiru?  
ima wa sepia ni iroaseta  
kono shashin no youni  
mou ichido waratte ite hoshii no ni"   
The kid still singing and Sugizo just listen there, thinking what song that the kid play in his mp3 list but he cannot guessed it. It might be a band from visual kei but which band? Suddenly the kid stop singing and he looks like having a phone call.

"Moshi moshi.. Oh, the DVD have stock now? Finally.. yes that one.. the title.. chotto!" Sugizo, not from far just observe the kid and he really want to know what song played in his mp3 list just now. He is not dare to ask by himself, that will draw attention with people around him. He dare himself, stand up to reach the kid until the kid say something that made him stop his track. 

"Yes Deluhi.. the concert, The Xing of Deluhism.. please, thank you Sir! Arigato.." The kid happily packing back his item and leave the coffee shop.

Sugizo put money on the table and leave the place too but his hand quickly search for the lyrics of Deluhi. It is too many Deluhi song on google. "Oh shit! which one.." He keep walking and this time he try to put the lyrics on google search. He smiles when he found the song. Taking his earphone, he makes his way to the elevator of a building, having a meeting with Luna Sea member. Sugizo keep listening and all the image of him and that person lingered across his mind. Would he still love him?

All the memory replay, Sugizo cannot control his emotion. He wants to tell him, the person that he loves for such a long time, how much he missed him. How much he hurt of losing him, how much he remembered him. Taking his seat at the lobby hotel, his hand grasp the leather couch tightly. Lucky for his glasses, it prevents people to look directly at him. There were too many mistake he did from the past including get married and kept it secret from his band, especially that person. He is a poison for Luna Sea. "J.." 

The name escaped from his lips, in which suddenly he feels a weight shifting beside him. "Sugizo?" Sugizo know the owner of the voice, thought its become deeper and more manly. He just nodded but he turned away his head to another direction. Then few minutes later, he feels nothing beside him as he looks from far, J hugging his childhood friend, Inoran. Both of them very close and then he can feels someone pat on his shoulder. "Sugi! what's up? how long you want to pretend that you are a statue?" Shinya laughs and Sugizo take a calm breath, he glad Shinya is coming as he hold his hands. "Hey Shinya! how are you.." Sugizo try to make J at least look at him, and he is there, looking at how Sugizo hugging Shinya.

"Ehem!" There they heard a woman voice in which Shinya wide his eyes. "No, I am not gay!" Sugizo let go of Shinya and greet with his wife. "I am sorry, I just miss my old friend.." Sugi explained and he already feel embrassed when J observe him from far. Then all of them received a text message and asked them to go to a certain room. "Shinya, I need to go washroom, will catch you later.."

***

Sugizo washing his face, look at the mirror and sighing. He takes tissues and wipes his wet face. J is there, observe him from far and that really hurt him, he don't have time to at least have skin contact with him.

"Don't worry, you are still handsome.." Sugizo startled when heard the voice. J enters the washroom and get closer to stand beside Sugizo, adjust his hair a bit in which Sugizo think it doesn't need an adjusment anymore.

"Are you stalking me?" Sugizo asked.

"If I say yes what will happen?" He smirked. "If I say no, what will happen?" He say that without even looking at Sugizo.

"J.. I'm sorry.." Sugizo said and there is such a glimpse of proud from J face. Sugizo stand there for a few seconds until he decide to walk off from the washroom when J said something.

"I already forgive you, it was happened already and I want to forget everything about my past life." J's word make Sugizo a bit hurt, J didn't know the real story about that night he found himself on the bed with other person, Heath.

"I can explain.. that night!" 

"I know, you don't have to explain, we already become old and like I said before, I already forgive you, Sugihara. Let's rejoin the band again, for Luna Sea." He smiles to Sugizo and Sugizo still can feel J is trying to get away from him. Both of them hurt and they hurting each other.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> J choose to have a same room with Sugizo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sugizo kept a dark secret.

J wished to forget everything happened but it is not easy for him to let the thing go. He feels miserable, he doesn't know if the image of Sugizo sprawled on the bed with his senior, Heath can make him totally forget about it. He just met Sugizo few hours ago and he wish that he could kiss those lips again. Sugizo fucked up with women in countless number that he could figure out but with Heath, it is the only thing that he cannot accept. All of them walked to the elevator and he standing next to Sugizo. He cannot deny, being closer with a human name Yasuhiro Sugihara is like a siren calling its victim. He is so beautiful, even his skin carved with a blue ink. The elevator open and all of them arrived in a meeting room. It was a special booked for Luna Sea and the meeting is private. They need to discuss about their commitment in Luna Sea back. J thought he is strong enough to face his ex boyfriend but it become worst, Sugizo still have charm like before and indeed he looks hot. They arrive at the small conference room, where J intentionally sit beside Sugizo. He missed his scent in which he reminded him that man was once become the most important person in his life, that is how the aura of Sugizo can melt people. He is like a Sex God, no matter how many people he sleep around, J still admire him but he cannot forget the morning he found him in the most embrassed situation. Naked, having hickeys around his collarbone area and there is someone holding him with care, Heath. 

Flashback

It was a Sunday morning where Sugizo supposed to be in bed. J had a short tour with Hide and his side project, The Spread Beaver. He brought a paper bag, not a cheap look in which inside contains a necklace that he wants Sugizo remind about him in every moments. He swipe his key into the key hole and the house still looks clean as usual. "Sugi chan.." He called Sugi softly, mostly like a whispers and he guess Sugi is still sleeping. One steps inside the room, the paper bag falls on the floor and he can heard the cracked sound inside. Something valuable must be broken inside and it is same like J's heart. He is broken, his heart shattered into million pieces.

"Whore!"

He gets on top of Heath, punching his face and Sugizo just awake from his sleep. His head still dizzy and he saw J landed a few punches on Heath. He feels scared if Heath die and he pulls J away from him. "J Stop! you could kill him!" 

J instead ignores Sugizo until Heath unconscious, laying on the floor. Now J turns to Sugizo, he looks at the face of now ex boyfriend. "What's wrong did I do towards you?" 

"No, I can explain. I was.." He doesn't know either he should tell him or not. "As a profesional person, I still can see you during working but more than that, no. I don't want to see your face anymore. I was wrong when I thought you could change and not become a sex hunger." J takes a deep breath and look at Sugizo. "We're done."

"Nooo! J..! please...!" That is the last thing he heard before he completely left the house. 

Flashback end

"J, you okay? Ryuichi asked. His mind disturbed by Ryuichi." No, I just tired. Travelling here from far.." Ryuichi squeezes his shoulder. "Relax, soon we will get a room.."

J smiles with some giggles. "You sounds like we will do a sex after this.." 

"Ops, no more. I am straight." J giggles while he realized there have a pair of eyes looking at him, giving a slight glance. He realized him and it was Sugizo.

***

The room become silence once Sugizo enter the hotel room. He can't believe J choose to have a room with him instead of living with Ryuichi or Inoran. He sat on his bed, unpacking his stuff. J is not around, might be he is in the shower room. The door creaked open and J came out, revealing half of this body with only a towel wrapped around his waist. J trying to ignore Sugizo but his desire wanted to hold that man so much. He wanted to know the truth, from his own mouth as he heard other story, Sugizo is not guilty.

"You really want to be silence forever?" J asked. 

"I don't know what to say. Nothing we could speak about." Sugizo reply while strip off his shirt. J looks at Sugizo body, long time ago he had devoured the milky skin now almost full with blue ink.

"Since when you admiring about body art?" J asked, trying to break the ice within them. Sugizo attitude towards him now is different, he is not the old Sugizo who will pouts or cling towards people. 

"Just a hobby. It made me look more manly, so people wouldn't take advantage on me anymore." He said with a sniff and enters the bathroom but J managed to say something before he completely closed the door. "Good night." J left the small amount of light near Sugi bed. Tomorrow will be the meeting plan about Luna Sea future and members commitment. J sighed, now he regrets with his decision choosing a room with Sugizo. He supposed to hate him, or at least landed a few punches on his face but every time he look at his face, there is always have a soft spot for Sugizo. He closes his eyes and waiting for dream land invites him. 

***

"No.. please.."

J rubbing his eyes, he looks around at who made disturbance at midnight.

"Stop.. stop.. Heath.."

J looks at Sugizo, his body sweat and he heard the name of his senior. He rolls his eyes, feels irritated when heard the name. Sugizo probably having a wet dream about that man. J covers himself with blanket, trying to block the sounds from Sugizo.

"Stop please.. it is hurt.. I don't want this.."

Then J heard a crying sound from Sugizo and J starts to feel worry. What happened to Sugizo actually? He removes his blanket and turn on the bed post light, coming nearer to Sugizo. He can see tears around Sugizo eyes, his pillow wet. He still screaming and pleading asking someone to stop.

"I want to go home.. it is hurt! please stop.. don't touch me.."

"Sugi? Hey wake up." J lightly pats his arm. "Sugi.. chan.. wake up.." There is no conscious state answer from Sugizo who still closing his eyes, tears non stop flowing from his eyes. "Sugi chan.. it is me.. J.. hey wake up.."

Sugizo awakes with a sudden movement, his breathing become fast and he cough but the tears still there and J trying to pulls his body into his embrace but Sugizo flinched. "Don't touch me!" 

"Hey, relax.. calm down. It's me, J.." J trying to put a fight again but J wraps his arm around Sugizo body frame and rubbing his back. Sugizo become calm as J caresses his back hair and rubbing his body, make him to sleep again and its effective because soon he heard a heavy breath at his chest. Sugizo had fall asleep again and J smiles. There's something in the past that bothers him so much. He let himself become a pillow for Sugizo to sleep peacefully on that night. J only lean himself on the bed post on Sugizo's bed. Tomorrow will be a busy day for him and Luna Sea.


	3. Chapter 3

Sugizo opens his eyes. He looks around him and the position he is now. He was leaning on someone, no something. It is a pillow. He had a bad dream about his past and J holding him. He holds his head, feeling sleepy as he heard the door opened. It is J with a packet of paper bag with the hotel brand name on the packaging. 

"I told them you have a headache. Here is your breakfast." J puts on the side table that separate their bed.

"J.." Sugizo calls his name, softly and J turn around to see him checked his phone.

"Shinya catches a cold, he's being quarantined for three days." J told Sugizo about what just happened to his friend. Shinya is being isolated due to the infection. "Thank you for, informing me.. and also for the breakfast.." Sugizo yawns while stretching his muscle in which J thinks it is cute, like a kitten. He gets up and grabs his towel, entering the bathroom without looking at J.

There is an urge for J to just enters the bathroom. His mind goes to imagine Sugizo skin. Yes, Sugizo was his submissive long time ago and he won't let Sugizo be on top even he tried many times. J only smiles alone and all the lust towards Sugizo gone. He loves that man more than himself. 

***

Living in a room with J made Sugizo feel uneasy. J's phone ringing and Sugizo choose to ignore. The phone non stop ringing and Sugizo awake from his bed, walks to J place and at the moment he wants to pick up the call, he found the phone in between the page of bondage magazine. His hand startled to pick up the phone but he still managed to answer it.

"Moshi moshi.. J-san? please hold on.."  
Sugizo walks to the bathroom and before he knocked the door, he heard J moaning inside. He gasp and the phone fell off from his hand. The moments he wants to pick up the phone back, the bathroom door open and revealed J with only a towel wraps around his waist. Sugizo feels shocked and he accidentally pull the towel down from J and J become naked. J acting faster, his hand covering Sugizo mouth with his palm and his other hand pick up the phone. 

"Yes, J here.. Oh, the package, you may send it here.. in 10 minutes? okay." The call end and Jun still holding Sugizo. Sugizo make a sound for J to notice him, to remove his palm from his mouth.

"Tell me why I need to let you go after you have known my secret?" Sugizo back is leaning over J chest. His tears start to fell as his memory come back, on that night. 

FLASHBACK

"Mmpph.."

"Shuhh.. silence baby.. we are almost there.." His body naked, his ass being thrust deeply by a person who he thought as a brother, because Hide said he is a good person. His wrist bound together behind his back, his legs widely open. "Don't come yet.. not yet.." Heath thrust him harder, deeper and it is a third round for Sugizo to endure the hell given by Heath. On the last thrust, Heath come inside him but his cock still wrapped with a cock ring. Sugizo begs to Heath to release him. Heath pulls Sugizo hair and talk to him. "You are a lovely whorish face that I ever laid, Sugizo.." Sugizo face moist with tears and he cannot voice out his pain because of the gag that blocking his voice from came out.

FLASHBACK END

J feel his hand wet with a hot water. Sugizo just become limb in J's grasp. Is Sugizo crying? He admit he likes to see Sugizo crying when they had rough sex long time ago but this one seems different. He let go of Sugi and turn his body to face him. 

"Sugi? are you okay? I am sorry, I.." 

"It's hurt.."

"Look.. I am very sorry, I don't know what had possessed me to touch you closer.."

"That night.. it's hurt.. he hurt me.." Sugizo sobbing harder, his shoulder shaken. Something is wrong and J feels worry. Is that a right time for let Sugizo tells him about the actual scene? J feels confused. He heard from Hide, two days before Hide passed away, he told J something about Sugizo.

"What if Sugizo was forced? I know my brother, he loves you so much.." Hide image appear inside his head with a smile.

"Sugi chan.. you need a rest.."

"He.. touch me.." 

"Who had touched you?" J shakes his shoulder but Sugizo looked away. J feels worried, he never saw Sugizo in that state, it is lucky Shinya got cold and his members would not be suspicious.

***

"I am sorry, Sugizo.." J holding Sugizo tightly, he never want to let him go again. "I will find that bastard.."

"There is no use anymore.. There's nothing left for us.. both of us married.." 

"I got divorced.." J words make Sugizo looks at him in disbelieve. "I am serious.."

"No way.." You must be joking. 

"You think I can forget you? No. You had hurt me but it is hard to throw away a person like you. I will find Heath." Sugizo protest him by look at his face. "Please no.. do it for me.." J tightening his hold around Sugizo waist. "Why you are not telling me at that time?" 

"You won't believe me even I am telling the truth. I know how hard to convince you to believe me when you saw me in that condition." Sugizo is telling him the truth about J nature.

"At least you try.." J only smiles and kissing his forehead. "About Heath, if he is trying to do something on you, just tell me please, no more secret between us.."

"It's became two hurt right?" Sugizo asking as he scroll his phone, searching for the lyrics.

"Two hurt? what is that?" J took the phone of Sugizo and read the lyrics. "Sounds like us.." He put Sugizo phone away and closing their distance. Both of them know they cannot be separated but will J stop his intention to search Heath? He looks at Sugizo who falls asleep already and soon he also meet his lover in a dreamland.


End file.
